Reader Question: Talking to My Teen About Drugs

From Our Readers: I recently found out that my teenage daughter has been experimenting with drugs. I want to have an open and honest conversation with her, but I’m not sure where to start. How can I approach this topic in a way that doesn’t push her away?

Open communication is one of the best ways to foster a loving, supportive relationship with your daughter, and it’s wonderful that you’re taking this initiative.

Finding out that your teenage daughter is experimenting with drugs is never easy and can be alarming. So, I understand the desire to address it in the best way possible. 

Here’s some guidance to help you navigate this situation:

Understand Teenage Drug Use

It’s important to distinguish between experimentation and a developing substance abuse problem. Teenagers are curious and often influenced by peers, which can lead to trying drugs.

Find out if it’s casual or chronic to help you tailor your approach. Either way, immediate action must be taken.

Know Why Teens Use Drugs

Some common reasons teens experiment with drugs include a desire for social acceptance (peer pressure), escaping problems, dealing with stress or anxiety, or underlying mental health conditions.

Understand the motivation behind your daughter’s use so you can work together to address the reasons. You can also learn about the specific drugs your daughter might be using, their effects, and signs of abuse.

Reliable sources like the National Institute on Drug Abuse or SAMHSA can provide accurate and in-depth information.

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How to Approach the Conversation

It’s crucial to choose the right moment for a sensitive conversation like suspected drug use. Pick a time when you and your daughter are calm and relaxed.

Once you’ve found the right moment to talk, here’s how you can start:

• Begin by expressing your love and genuine concern for her health and well-being. 
• Let her know your intentions come from a place of care, not judgment.
• Share your discovery directly, avoiding an accusatory tone. For example, you could say, “I found [mention what you found], and I’m worried. Can we talk about it?”

It’s natural to feel shocked or upset but try to control your initial reaction. If she becomes defensive, take a deep breath and remember your goal is to open a dialogue, not ignite an argument.

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What to Do During the Conversation

During this conversation, focus on listening. Let her do most of the talking. Ask open-ended questions to encourage her to share her perspective:

• “What’s been going on for you lately?”
• “Tell me about how you see this.”

Acknowledge her emotions, even if you disagree with her choices. Statements that help her feel understood are best in this situation:

• “It sounds like you’re feeling a lot of pressure.”
• “It’s natural to want to escape difficult situations.”

Once you understand her perspective, gently share your concerns and offer information about the risks of drug use. Avoid lecturing; instead, guide her toward making informed decisions.

If you suspect a serious problem or she’s unreceptive to your concerns, suggest seeking professional help. A counselor or therapist can provide personalized support and guidance, offering a non-biased perspective.

After the Initial Conversation

After having the difficult conversation, let your daughter know you’re always there for her, and continue to check in regularly to see how she’s doing.

Clearly communicate your expectations about drug use and enforce reasonable consequences if these rules are broken.

Model healthy behaviors in your life, including managing stress and demonstrating healthy coping mechanisms. Family therapy or parent support groups can be beneficial.

Remember, every situation is unique. Stay patient and prioritize providing your daughter with love and support.

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