Reader Question: Boundaries With a Loved One Struggling With Addiction

From Our Readers: How can I set boundaries with a loved one who is struggling with addiction?

Setting healthy boundaries with someone struggling with addiction can be difficult and, at times, confusing⁠—even more so if it’s someone you love. However, strong boundaries are crucial to truly help someone in recovery while protecting your well-being.

Boundaries create a clear path for everyone involved. By setting them you're showing your love and creating a safe space for healing.

How can you set strong boundaries?

Here are what you need to do to set boundaries with love:

1. Know yourself: What are your values? What behaviors make you feel uncomfortable or unsafe? Knowing your limits is the first step.
2. Talk it out: Communication is key. Explain your boundaries in a loving, honest way, and let your loved one know why they're important to you.
3. Be firm, be kind: It's okay to say no. Setting boundaries takes practice, but it's an important act of self-care.
4. Consequences matter: Discuss what happens if boundaries are crossed. This helps set expectations and holds everyone accountable.
5. Find your support system: Lean on friends, family, or support groups for encouragement. Consider professional help if needed.
6. Take care of yourself: Make time for activities you enjoy—things that bring you peace and relaxation. This self-care will give you the strength to support your loved one.
7. Encourage help: While setting boundaries, gently encourage your loved one to seek professional treatment. Offer to help them find resources, but remember, their recovery is ultimately their choice.
8. Accept what you can't control: You can't force someone to change. Focus on what you can control⁠—your own actions and reactions. Letting go of what you can't change can reduce stress and frustration.

What are concrete examples of boundaries?

There are lots of ways to set boundaries that fit your level of comfort. Here are some examples:

• Financial support: You can tell them you won’t provide money that could be used for substances. Offer to help with other needs, like groceries or rent.
• Substance-free zone: Make it clear that using substances in your home is not allowed.
• Respectful communication: Insist on being treated with respect and outline what that looks like for you.
• Consequences for violations: Decide what happens if boundaries are crossed, like asking them to leave if they use substances at your home.

Why are boundaries important?

Boundaries help create a predictable and stable environment that supports your loved one's recovery. They make it clear what behaviors are and aren't acceptable, keeping everyone accountable for their actions.

Addiction can open doors to manipulative behavior, but boundaries help you avoid getting pulled into unhealthy situations or enabling behaviors. They also allow you to prioritize your well-being, so you can be a stronger support system for your loved one.

Recovery takes time, patience, and understanding. Remember, there's help available. If you need immediate support, the SAMHSA helpline is there for you⁠: 1-800-662-4357

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